Light

How do I walk in the light? (This is only how the word as been fleshed out within me just thoughts.)

This question has been stirring in my spirit. Two ideas which keep coming to me, one that the word light can have several meanings: that which makes vision possible, something can be a source of light-i.e. sunlight, candle, or lamp or an enlightening, an understanding a waking of the heart and spirit to divine truth, knowledge, and wisdom-i.e. illumination. Two Jesus brings light to the world He is the ultimate light. The purposes of the law being fulfilled through Jesus.

Isaiah 9:2, “The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of shadow and death a light has dawned.”
John 1:6-9, “There came a man who was sent from God; his name was John. He came to testify concerning the light, so that through him all men might believe. He himself was not the light; he came only as a witness to the light. The true light that gives light to every man was coming into the world.”
John 8:12, “When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”
John 9:5 “While I am in the world, I am the light of the world.”

In the beginning God said Let there be light and there was light. And on the sixth day He created man. They were created and lived in a place full of light, full of the presence of God. But we were born into sin not righteousness. We were already in the woods naked, hiding, and afraid. With the prodding of the Holy Spirit our souls and minds are drawn to faith a belief that there is a God that there is something more hopeful then darkness there is light. As we slowly learn about who Jesus is through the scripture, there is a curiosity that takes root there is the Holy Spirit drawing us to follow.

In fairy tales, myths, and legends, the woods are deep dark and mysterious, they are dangerous and everyone is fearful. We started out in the woods, but as we begin to walk out of the dark and entangling woods, they slowly become lighter because the trees aren’t as close together and we can begin to see light shift on the forest floor and a far gleamer up ahead. Our eyes adjust as they get used to a new sensation and anxiety, fear, and worry seem a little less as we inch our way closer towards the light. As we walk closer and closer away from the deep dark and into the glorious clearing from trees we take on a new understanding and freedom. We are enlightened by a deeper and fuller truth. Just like in our spiritual journey we are being redeemed to be a more glorious creation as God intended so that one day when we do walk once again in the presence of God we aren’t just seeing in part but fully. Not blinded by darkness but seeing the glorious light of our Father. And perhaps its hard to walk in the light, to walk in truth, to walk with faith, to walk with hope because the trees like to still lash out, we look over our shoulder into the dark and fear what is lurking behind us. The snake still likes to whisper and taunt and we can be easily pulled back into a life of fear, a life of anxiety, a life of sin.

There are further references in scripture to the word lamp. David is described as being a lamp to Israel and God promised to raise up yet another lamp following David’s reign. The old laws in the pentateuch describe in detail a lamp stand to be built for the temple and clear oil from pressed olives to be used for lighting, and the lamp should be maintained and kept burning and is never to go out. The book of Revelation describes 7 lamp stands which are representative of the 7 cities. In John 9, Jesus said, “While I am in the world, I am the light of the world.” And following this he spit on the ground and made mud and placed it on the eyes of the man who was blind. After washing in the pool as he was commanded he went home seeing. Those who knew him didn’t even recognize him. Jesus in his sermons on the mount called us to be a light to the world, a lamp, a light to those around us. A lamp that is continually burning, much like the lamp stand described in the Old Testament. And the light revealed to and through us is like being the blind man no longer walking in darkness but walking in a new truth, so much so, that those around us would see the good things of God.

What does all this mean in correlation to my faith journey at present?
One, how can people see the light if I use other things besides the clear freshest oil from olives to try to light the lamp. If I am not in the Word, if I don’t consciously seek after the things of God, then the ways of God the love and blessings of God are lost to those around me and go unseen. Two, if I am constantly looking over my shoulder fearful and anxious, no one will see the hope that Jesus offered in the cross and the power of the resurrection. Three, if I try to blaze my own trail in the woods instead of following the markers laid out for me I will get lost and find myself in dangerous territory. All of which I have done. The Word gets replaced with excuses and foolish desires. I find time for other things like movies and scanning the internet for hours instead of exposing myself to truth. And then I start to forget truth because and I don’t remember the strength and promises of God. I forget to trust him and I begin a circular spiral of fear, worry, and doubt.

Its tiring walking in the light. At work its the back and forth to be or not to be nice. To grit teeth or not to grit teeth. To smile and be content or to bitch and complain. To show grace or not to show grace. Honestly I would much rather do the latter of the two, but if I am suppose to be set apart showing myself approved then I suppose I should smile. Or for the thousandth time my father belittles me with not even knowing, I could scream, curse, and throw as many fiery darts. However, if I want to change and I desire my father to change then I need to show love and grace even when I feel like screaming. Its a constant adjustment within my heart allowing the Holy Spirit to move and act through me when I don’t have the patients and strength to walk in the light. I can’t walk in the light on my own. When I am weak (and I am) God still lavishes His grace, His mercy, and His light upon me.

I like to do word studies if you hadn’t noticed already:)

Psalm 19:8 -The commands of the Lord are radiant giving light to the eyes. (NIV)
Psalm 27:1- The Lord is my light and salvation of whom shall I be afraid? (NIV)
Psalm 36-9- Your a fountain of cascading light, and you open our eyes to light. (Message)
Psalm 89:15-16-Blessed are the people who know the festal shout who walk, O Lord, in the light of your face who exult in your name all day and in your righteousness are exalted. (ESV)
Psalm 119:105-Your word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path. (NIV)
Psalm 119:130-The unfolding of your words gives light; it imparts understanding to the simple. (ESV)
Isaiah 42:16- I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth, These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them. (NIV)
Isaiah 42:16-But I’ll take the hand of those who don’t know the way, who can’t see where they are going. I’ll be a personal guide to them, directing them through unknown country. I’ll be right there to show them which roads to take, make sure they don’t fall into a ditch. These are all things I’ll be doing for them-sticking with them, not leaving them for a minute. (Message)
Isaiah 60:1- Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of God rises upon you. (NIV)
Isaiah 60:1- Get out of bed, Jerusalem! Wake up. Put your face in the sunlight. God’s bright glory has risen upon you. The whole earth was wrapped in darkness, all people sunk in deep darkness, but God rises upon you, his sunrise glory breaks over you. Nations will come to your light, kings to the sunburst brightness. (Message)

Memories...I was recently watching the movie My Sisters Keeper and while I had read the book and prepared to be emotional while viewing I don't think I was prepared to see some of my past. While my experience of Leukemia is very different there are events that are similar. Like finding that best friend in the hospital who knows exactly what your going through. My friend was certainly not some older cute boy like in the book no instead he was five years my younger.

A five year old who on my first meeting told me with a shrug and a mouthful of Oreos not to worry that it would be just like a bee sting and then he turned his attention back to the Nintendo game. As I laid on the procedure table knees to chest with the cold and smell of the Betadine on my back I repeated his words only a bee sting, only a bee sting-not exactly the words I would use to describe a spinal tap: ("a procedure performed when a doctor needs to look at the cerebrospinal fluid. A numbing medication lidocaine is injected first into your skin and then into the deeper tissues of your lower back to numb the area completely. This injection causes some minor discomfort, which is usually brief and has been described as a burning sensation. The needle is then inserted in your lower back, usually at the third and fourth lumbar or fourth and fifth lumbar level. The needle passes between the 2 vertebrae to enter the space where the fluid is contained. Placing you in the fetal position allows the vertebral spaces to open more widely to make needle passage easier. The fluid is then allowed to collect into a series of 3 or 4 vials that are then sent to the lab for evaluation.The fluid collects passively, meaning it is allowed to drip out into each vial at its own pace. This step can take several minutes for a full specimen collection.") While I recall it feeling a bit more painful than a bee sting and especially more uncomfortable it was the beginning of a friendship.

When both sets of parents were away we would entertain ourselves with nintendo games and movies in each others rooms. We would equally tease the student nurses and sneak soda and candy into our rooms. And while I did play a little of mother hen on the floor there was a common understanding. We both new just by looking at each other how our day was going, what it was like to spend the whole afternoon puking into a basin or the draggy achy feeling that is the result of no sleep because the shivers were so strong the night before. The second floor of the hospital without its luxurious accommodations which the children's wing is now blessed with was still home. While I was once again admitted into the hospital it was at least familiar. I placed my bag in my room and went with eager anticipation to see Bojo knowing he would be there watching his favorite show. The room was sterile. There were no plants in the window, no stuffed animals lining the side of his bed and the walls were all cleared of best wishes. I shrugged turned out thinking cool he must have been well enough to go home but as I turned the corner I saw my mom talking to the nurse and their faces locked with mine. They didn't have to tell me I knew Bojo had died.

He was five. JJ was three. Colin was thirteen. Carl, Karl, and Isaiah...disease free and at peace... and i guess so am I.