Memories...I was recently watching the movie My Sisters Keeper and while I had read the book and prepared to be emotional while viewing I don't think I was prepared to see some of my past. While my experience of Leukemia is very different there are events that are similar. Like finding that best friend in the hospital who knows exactly what your going through. My friend was certainly not some older cute boy like in the book no instead he was five years my younger.

A five year old who on my first meeting told me with a shrug and a mouthful of Oreos not to worry that it would be just like a bee sting and then he turned his attention back to the Nintendo game. As I laid on the procedure table knees to chest with the cold and smell of the Betadine on my back I repeated his words only a bee sting, only a bee sting-not exactly the words I would use to describe a spinal tap: ("a procedure performed when a doctor needs to look at the cerebrospinal fluid. A numbing medication lidocaine is injected first into your skin and then into the deeper tissues of your lower back to numb the area completely. This injection causes some minor discomfort, which is usually brief and has been described as a burning sensation. The needle is then inserted in your lower back, usually at the third and fourth lumbar or fourth and fifth lumbar level. The needle passes between the 2 vertebrae to enter the space where the fluid is contained. Placing you in the fetal position allows the vertebral spaces to open more widely to make needle passage easier. The fluid is then allowed to collect into a series of 3 or 4 vials that are then sent to the lab for evaluation.The fluid collects passively, meaning it is allowed to drip out into each vial at its own pace. This step can take several minutes for a full specimen collection.") While I recall it feeling a bit more painful than a bee sting and especially more uncomfortable it was the beginning of a friendship.

When both sets of parents were away we would entertain ourselves with nintendo games and movies in each others rooms. We would equally tease the student nurses and sneak soda and candy into our rooms. And while I did play a little of mother hen on the floor there was a common understanding. We both new just by looking at each other how our day was going, what it was like to spend the whole afternoon puking into a basin or the draggy achy feeling that is the result of no sleep because the shivers were so strong the night before. The second floor of the hospital without its luxurious accommodations which the children's wing is now blessed with was still home. While I was once again admitted into the hospital it was at least familiar. I placed my bag in my room and went with eager anticipation to see Bojo knowing he would be there watching his favorite show. The room was sterile. There were no plants in the window, no stuffed animals lining the side of his bed and the walls were all cleared of best wishes. I shrugged turned out thinking cool he must have been well enough to go home but as I turned the corner I saw my mom talking to the nurse and their faces locked with mine. They didn't have to tell me I knew Bojo had died.

He was five. JJ was three. Colin was thirteen. Carl, Karl, and Isaiah...disease free and at peace... and i guess so am I.